The regency which I have secretly held over most of my life is now coming to an end. It has been a heavy weight all along. I often felt the dread over the so many missed opportunities which I could have joyfully exploited. But I was never ready when I encountered those opportunities – was I ever going to be ready? In the same state, probably not. So, it’s best to relinquish the crown and not transfer it to anyone.
At the peak of my regency, I would freeze and mostly become immobile. My thinking and creativity would freeze. So, I have humbly decided that there’s no need to involuntarily freeze my thinking and creativity.
More recently, I have often heard people talking about imposter syndrome and social anxiety – I have never really got to tune into those feelings or, let alone, get to understand them as they are, up until recently. Well, I soon discovered that when it comes to the two, I have been the king. Was it a joyful ride? Well, one thing for sure is that the discovery was certainly refreshing, but I have always felt I could always do more and/or better – also left with a bit of self-pity along the ride.
I realised that most of the time, I would play a picture of me being embarrassed about the outcome of an undertaking that I would have engaged in, and already before engaging in that activity I would feel like I need to withdraw from actually engaging in it or think of saying “I’m sorry” as things would not have worked out as planned – this, more often than not, played in my mind resulting in me being frozen and in most cases not taking action, because of the fast imagination geared towards the worst case outcome, especially in new ventures. Ironically when asked to imagine a good picture, I’d say that I’m not good in imagining things, without realizing that my imagination is well developed, just in the wrong direction.
In any case, work has to be done – not to block the bleak pictures in my mind, but to acknowledge them and also work on gearing towards the good pictures. I have been working on positive picture reinforcement for over two decades now, what I did not realize is that bleak picture was always lingering in the background, but I never really paid attention to it. I just thought I needed to jump over it, without acknowledging it. Well, things don’t work that way. We have to embrace all in totality.
This realization makes me excited about what is to come next. More kingdoms to demolish and newer ones to coronate. What enthroning and dethroning do you need to do for yourself? Do you have a game plan in place for that? What ventures are you holding back because of an unworthy regency?
#coaching #valuesystems #highachievers #businesscoaching #topofmindthursdays